“Mental health examination” would be an oxymoron.

SO! In order to get a bit of practice in, I examined my own mental state the night before writing my first exam paper in NINE YEARS.

Appearance:

  • Appropriately maintaining personal hygiene, although exuding the scent of licorice from excess consumption
  • Dressed slobbishly in an array of fleece articles
  • Hair arranged into knotty pigtails, tangled around headset

Behaviour:

  • Nervous and frequently preoccupied with giving attention to anything that is not a textbook or her laptop screen
  • Frequently wrings hands and moans miserably (Lady Macbeth delusion?)
  • Often wriggles about and cannot seem to sit still on chair
  • Constantly gazing toward box of chocolate biscuits in corner of the room, then staring off into space

Thought form:

  • Highly distractible
  • Exhibiting perseveration, constantly returning to consideration of making self ill by ingesting far too much chocolate, contrasted by sudden expression of desire to “do very well!”

Thought content:

  • Obvious delusions of grandeur – see above interest in “doing well”
  • Overvalued idea that drinking as many energy drinks as possible prior to sitting exam “must be” helpful
  • Phobia of failing exam, perhaps tied to delusions in that “world might end” if a failure mark is achieved

Mood:

  • Anxious, characterised by weird breathing, hypervigilance, and badgering of poor boyfriend

Affect:

  • Congruent with mood in terms of erraticism and anxiety
  • Overly dramatic

Summary:

At risk of driving self and boyfriend unnecessarily bonkers. Possibly only staying sane by tethering self to the promise of a luncheon at delightful Cuccina upon completion of the semester! Consider that a strength.

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