I have to confess: I have a deep, sick love/hate thing for pretty much any nursing TV drama that comes along. ‘Nurse Jackie’ – love. ‘Getting On’ – love. ‘Mercy’ – wanted to hate, started off hating, grew to love just in time for it to be cancelled. The best worst best of them all is ‘HawthoRNe’ (see what they did there?).

I am quite obsessed with how utterly dreadful ‘HawthoRNe’ is. It’s Jada Pinkett Smith’s vanity project, as in, it is very clearly what would happen if a self-insertion fanficcer actually had the necessary resources to produce a TV version of their fantasy. Pinkett Smith fancies herself a rule-breaking, law-breaking, totally irresponsible, totally unethical hero nurse who Gets Things Done and Breaks Eggs to do it. Without fail almost every episode features another character being taught a lesson by her character, and the lesson is pretty much always ‘I am better than you in every conceivable way’.

Hearken unto my lesson, Inferior Nurse.

‘HathoRNe’ ticks every bad TV box, with bad acting, inconsistent characters, ridiculous plots, utterly insane dialogue – it genuinely creeps toward ‘The Room’ levels of bizarre.

So I have decided to recap episodes! The plan is to fool myself into thinking it’s vaguely related to my study for my Bachelor of Nursing. If I can watch Jada Pinkett Smith living in (and producing) her own make-believe world, surely I can allow myself a little self-deception?

You'll all learn not to underestimate my ability to overact!

(To confuse things, I’m starting at the beginning of series three, and will maybe go back to series one at some point in the future.)